Book Review: In Pursuit of a Lesser Offence

Someone said you should not judge a book on its cover or title or the review or the first page or the last page for that matter. I am not saying you should not. I do. Sometimes. But once in a while you are right. The book cover shows a thrown high heeled sandal, red in color, on a carpet. The book comes recommended by Shaadi.com! Sujata Parashar whips up one more tale in her series about relationships, marriage, love and how things work. Let me tell you she is an expert in it.

The plot runs around Avinash Vyas and Sangeet Mishra who are just the opposite of each other in a serendipitous meet have their lives entwined as the whole world of their love and families crumble around them. They grow closer as things around take tumbles and this might seem to be yet another love story where the two prime characters in the story end up together. While this is partly true the narration keeps you engaged and glued to the story line with an unflinching interest.

The characters are woven well into the story with the ease of making a coffee. Yes, get a cup of coffee and get comfy on your sofa on an afternoon and immerse in to this lovable story and you will love that you did that. You would find Sangeet definitely among one of your friends and Avi could just be there too. With the growing rate of divorce among young men and woman, the story of Sangeet shows that divorce can be painful but you can grow out of it and love your life to the fullest when you are strong.

While looking at the modern rendition of a lovabale marriage and man-woman friendships, Sujata manages to show a warmth, calmness in introducing a different lens to look at the same feelings. This is a different kind of a story and I was amused at the way it kept me engaged. A modern story reflecting the changing sentiments and a refreshing one at that. In Pursuit of a Lesser Offence is a story of second chances and what is life without second chances.

You can pick up In Pursuit of a Lesser Offence on flipkart.

Rating: 2.5/5
Verdict: Pick up if you love a pleasant read.

Be a man and be a feminist

Life for women is not as easy as it seems and I am not talking about the immense responsibilities that they take up but the horrible things they are forced to endure int heir daily life. This is not just in the US or UK but also in every other country, in India, in your locality, in your street and may be in your building too! How often do we hear statistics and incidents and think it is not going to happen to me or anyone I know? I want to change that today.

Stand up, voice it, share it and make sure you prevent the ill from happening. More than that discuss this with your friends, family and children and teach them how important it is to stop such practices and start being a change. Make sure they have enough examples of good practices and bad ones too and urge them to respect women.

Let us dispel the misconceptions, wrong ideas, illustrations, and what not that drive children and men to grow up to be harassing, demeaning, culture-less, shameless and ignorant members of the society.

Change your words, the regular slang, small words that you don't actually mean, that just have crept in to your language and way of speaking and see if you can replace them with positive, meaningful, respectful and very clearly progressive words.

Here is another beautiful video that looks at ways to do so.

What would you do today? Will you be the man today and have the guts to stand up and be a feminist?

A good ad from Axe finally!

Axe makes ads that are unrealistic. But I love this one and its message. Make love not war.

Be grateful, be happy and be more beautiful

Sometimes I am thrown off by what brands could do to convey their message. I am very impressed with this one. I am very glad to have watched this and I am sure you would love it too.



Takeaways from the video are:

1. Be happy 
2. Be grateful
3. Be more beautiful
4. Be less critical
5. Forgive
6. Cheer up!

Well done Dove!

Sow well

A son was dragging his father to an old age home. When they reached a bridge the father started crying uncontrollably.

When the son asked why, the father answered, "Several years back I dragged my father exactly like this over this bridge!"

Reap as you sow. So sow well!

What are you doing this Saturday?

It is an amazing cycle. You struggle, strive and keep running and then comes Saturday. What are you doing this Saturday?

Relax, rejuvenate and rebound. Sometimes rest is needed. Ignore everything around you and try to catch some sleep and connect with your inner self, family, friends and food :)

Have a nice day!

All pics displayed here can be downloaded and used for free. Just give a link here. You can find more pics here: t3i photography. 

The silly side of facebook

Call it the FB mania or FBism, the “in-thing” today. Every other person surely has an FB ID whether or not has a Pan ID, Voter ID, Smart Card ID or Passport ID. Be it teenagers, youngsters, the middle aged and now even senior citizens (out of compulsion to be in touch with their NRI children) are all falling into this culture called FB.


I believe what attracts them about Facebook are : F: free; A: advertising of oneself; C: campaigning for one's ideas, with E: entertainment on a B: big scale, giving O: opinions, O: opposing at times and K: knitting strangers.

Facebook provides the free opportunity to advertise oneself by uploading hundreds of photographs; I wonder if any friend would have the time and patience to see all these photos and comment on the same. The most common comments are, “How sweet”, “Awesome pic”, “Excellent pic”, “Soooo sweet” or “Lovely pics”, with hardly even 10 per cent of sincerity and truth in the comment. The sole intention is — I commented on yours, now you comment on mine.

Facebook allows campaigning for one's ideologies through posting uninvited, unsolicited comments, emphasising views and thoughts vehemently and ending up in a war of words between absolute strangers.

But what excites me is the daily status updates. Anything is posted in the name of updating status. Following are some of these: “feeling low today”, “I am having a running nose”, “had idly, vada, sambar and icecream yesterday”, “want to go for a movie”, “made potato curry today.”

Sometimes, the status updates have a picture as well, specially during festivals. A proud display of home made diwali sweets, krishna jayanti sweets and, at times, the daily cooked meals, sometimes accompanied with recipes. And the comments for these are, “I wish I could eat it now”, “looks delicious” (wonder what would happen if the friend really tasted it), “please send it across.”(so that they could skip cooking on that day.)

The most amazing one was the status update of a woman with the ultrasound scan picture of her foetus, posted as her profile picture.What a pity even the unborn is forced to be a part of the facebook!

Last but not the least, the number race for having the highest number of friends lures them into accepting and sending friend requests for and from aliens; however, they may avoid their own relatives fearing breach of privacy. Also, such people have trouble saying “hello” to their neighbours, but the irony is the same neighbours who live just a few yards away are the best of friends on facebook and are found commenting on each other's pictures and perhaps chatting.

God save these jerks! Not excluding myself — a victim of this FB fanaticism. Why this FB veri di?

(The writer's email id is: deepusekhu@gmail.com)

Lessons In Forgetting: A book review

What happens is that if she a woman starts asserting her individuality then the transition (from something else to her own identity) is easy. But someone who subsumes herself into the identity of her husband and allows her other roles to contain her will find it difficult and wouldn't even know how and where to begin.

I know so many women in their mid-30's and sometimes even in their late-20's who start getting this restless feeling and think 'what have I done with myself and where do I begin?' Some of them are even forced to start afresh, alone, like Meera.

I want to be honest with you here. I was knocked out of my slumber when I read Lessons in Forgetting and once I finished reading, I felt I was in the same room as Meera. Never in the recent times have I been touched, amazed, met not imagined as strong a character who remains to be cheerful. I had to re-read certain passages to actually understand if what I felt was true or not.

Anita Nair has a charm for writing and am very impressed with the range of topics she chooses to write about like female infanticide, widow remarriage, empowering women which are a strict no-no for the modernized Indian who loves to stay out of the so called avoidable areas. It takes guts to stand out and write such topics and address them to the audience and yet be commercially successful. It takes a tremendous commitment to come out with such a wonderful rendition to make the characters acceptable in all their blemishes and past and yet be endearing.

Lessons in Forgetting starts with Meera and how her life is set to a timetable, a calender that involves a methodic phase of setting to and how it revolves around the characters in her life her mother, granny, her daughter and son and husband who seem to take her for granted. Now if you think the character of Meera is very similar to a typical housewife whose life is resigned to socialite principles, then you are mistaken. Meera is like the sea - calm, composed and proud but just like the sea, there is a huge chaos of emotions and commotion that is concealed in herself. All hell breaks loose when her husband leaves her for another younger woman and her children start blaming her for it.

At another junction is Jak or J.A. Krishnamoorthy, a professor and expert in cyclones who is in search of some answers about his paralysed daughter who is just a shadow of the cheerful Smriti who met with a near fatal accident. All that JAK knows is that his daughter met with a freak accident in a remote coastal town in Tamil Nadu called Minjikapuram. Police and doctor’s investigations all point fingers at Smriti.A determined JAK decides to trace his daughter’s path on the days that lead to her accident.

Thus starts JAK’s journey to know his daughter which leads him to three of her best friends, friends with their own confused understanding of this girl who outwardly looked confused yet had her own stand on everything. Smriti comes across as an very strong opinionated individual who joins a small theatre group and in all her naivete looks towards changing society and its mores which her friends could never come to terms with. But then, at one point JAK’s search for truth reaches a dead end.

If you are strong enough to realise life isn't as rosy as it looks and can get turbulent in a jiffy just like the sea, then you got to read Lessons In Forgetting. May be you would be able to look at the warnings and predict the cyclone and be better prepared if not prevent it. Or is it all just a myth and you cannot do anything? Lessons in forgetting is not a sad story. It celebrates human spirit and shows how you can be victorious even in life's worst cyclones. All you need is just a cajoling support, few kind words and a determination not to let yourself give up. Life may not always be as colorful as you dreamt of but all you need is just a tinge of white hope to paint on a dark canvas.

Rating: 4/5.

యీడు కూడా ఇంతే!

Mike mechanics is playing on my blackberry. I actually search for it and set it to repeat. You should listen to it too...

I didn`t know when I was lucky
Discontented feeling bad
Filled with envy
For possessions other people had

I found my pride had always hurt me
Fought the world to gain control
Not realising
I was sitting on a beach of gold

Oh lord I`m a poor man
With all the riches I can hold
I`m a beggar
And I`m sitting on a beach of gold

The problems I encountered
Gave me strength helped me sustain
To know the pleasure
First I had to cure the pain

When I was searching for solutions
I found the answer lay in me
I`m a drifter
But I`m drifting on a silver sea

Oh lord I`m a poor man
With all the riches I can hold
I`m a beggar
And I`m sitting on a beach of gold

I didn`t have courage
My life was as dark as night
When alone in the darkness
I saw the brightest light
Let the light shine down

Read on here.

Keep your mask on

[If you feel the tone of this post is strong, skip the last para]

I am sure you would have faced this. You spend time together, talk and do things together and after a point think you know the other person in and out. Usually after this point your confidence and trust on the other person has reached such a state that small aberrations would skip being noticed and even if they are, they wouldn't matter much to you. But you think you know someone until you find out things that scare you. Some people are so good at acting, tricking and cheating that if there is a doctoral certification, they would be eligible for honorary bestowing. Ever heard of wolf in sheepskin? Well there are too many phonies in sheepskin around and I hate that.

Does this mean I am asking you to doubt everyone and everything? The answer would be no, a firm NO. But shouldn't you be careful? You can act most of the time but somewhere your real attitude would come out and you are busted. You can't fool all the people all the time. The best thing is to stay what you are. If you hate it so much, think of how you could change. Pretending as someone else and showing off a false attitude wouldn't help you for long. There would be temporary gains and fun but the aftermath is usually worse.

How would you handle this? Especially when you see the actual colors of someone you trust come out before you? Depends on how important the other person is for you and how long you could cope with that. How would I handle this? Hmmm... lemme see... There would never even be a question of the person being important or not, close or not. Better keep your mask on or be far away. Really really far away.

Pic

Mentally ill? Who?

What is mental illness? What is peace? The definitions would vary from person to person. Sometimes we don't know who is ill/well. Well this is one just like that. Read on...

It was a sunny morning in 2003 when I first noticed her on my way to work. Her unkempt hair, scornful face and multiples soiled dresses said she is a social outcast but there was certain emotion on her face that adjectives failed to express. She lives in Hyderabad, on the footpath, sitting under a tree with a small sack of clothes, items she picked up from her sojourns perhaps. She is silent and doesn't even beg from the passers-by. Each time I looked at her I knew there was something different in her from others. I wanted to talk to her to find out, but didn't. Few days passed and one day I just stopped and went to speak to her. She didn't like that and shooed me away. I gave her some money, food and kept doing it regularly till she started to consider speaking to me. After many days of bribing, a sweater, fruits, money, food, etc., she opens up. She no longer has that crooked look when I give her something. One day she started speaking. It is 7 AM and the first rays of sun are hitting us. The city is just waking up. She takes one banana from the bunch I gave her and hides the remaining in her sack.

"You are a very stubborn kid," she tells me before settling down. This is a very censored version of her story. I had to change few details, but the essence is till the same.

She is a postgraduate in English literature, used to work as a teacher in a school in Hyderabad till the late 90s. She had a Titan watch, Sunny(two-wheeler), a portable color TV, a small but beautiful house small garden with a swing in it and some jewelery. Her husband used to work in a clerical cadre at the district magistrate's office and she used to compensate by teaching neighborhood kids at home. They made a lot of compromises to fit in all the fancies the kids needed and saw them through schools, engineering college, marriages, bikes and what not. All they did was think about the kids and thought once they get old they will be taken care of by the kids.

She stops peeling the banana, carefully puts the peel in a paper, glances at it and then starts to eat. There is no hurried munching. There is a stylish, cool, calm way she eats it. Once she is finished she washes her hand and wipes it on a dark cloth.

She has 3 sons and a daughter, all well settled. One of them stays in Hyderabad in a well-to-do locality. The other two are in Bangalore. Her daughter is a homeopathic doctor in Mumbai. Don't think they have left her like this. She left them. She walked out as she couldn't see how her husband was treated in his sunset days when all her children would make it a point to split his medical expenses and then quarrel insulting him and her. Then they wanted him to divide his pension, gratuity, their house and settle everything before he died. But the old guy had become smart and had changed his will in his wife's favor. After he passed away they found the new will which made the situation worse. They made her change the will in their favor. When forced she complied. Then it became hell. She was seen as a burden and was hated. One of her daughter-in-laws slapped her for borrowing money from a neighbor for medicine. That's when she decided to move out. She started living in the railway station, bus-stand, parks and later ended up in an ashram where she found there were more horrific tales than her own. Then she faced the hypocrisy of the caretakers and decided the street is the best place to try living. And hence the street life and her designated footpath.

She barely speaks to anyone now and has her own world to worry about. What does she eat? Anything that she is given, usually stale food she picks up from a prominent hotel's bin nearby. Once in a while she buys idlies with sambhar from roadside vendors but that's rare.

"I am a regular here. I even get credit from the idly-walah. The police here recognize me and don't chase me away."

"What's your wish?" I ask her to check if I could do something.
"Do a movie with Nagarjuna!"
"No. Tell me something that I can do."

I look at her eyes to see if she is sad. She is not! There is a glow in her eyes, a glint that tells me there is a wicked twist.

"Do they visit you anytime?"
"No!"
"Do you visit them?"
"NO!"
"To them, I am dead and so they are to me."

"Tell me something..." this is the first time she looks at me eye-to-eye, "Why is your generation so selfish?" That look burns my insides and my mouth goes dry even when I know I am not in the wrong.
"I don't know."
"Forget it. You seem to be a nice kid."

"You know I am very neat," she smiles. "I wash my clothes and take bath everyday." I smile back.

"It is getting late. You should go now. All other neighbors would come and literally seize your money and gold away. Worse they will throw me out from here. Leave now." I nod and got up and as I reach to my purse she smiles and tells me she doesn't need any money. She has a bank account and gets her pension. "That is more than enough."

"Moreover, this city takes care of me now. I will be fine. And thanks for your time." She looks away. I smell moistness in her eyes.

I still give her some money and start my bike. I some how carry a lot of weight in me now. I want to do something but don't know what to. I tell myself I will do something for sure.

"Munna! You want to know what I did with my money?" That is the first time she calls me that. And that's the last. I stop my vehicle and look at her blankly.

"I donated everything to the ashram I used to live. It is a small amount, but my children would never get it."

That wicked smile comes back to her face again. Only this time it is not wicked but the joy and satisfaction. I feel a lot lighter and confusingly happy. While I was recovering from this jab she lifts her sacks and walks away into the park opposite to her spot. I look at her disappear into the shadows.

The next day I see her she has her 'mentally ill' look and antics back again and acts as if she doesn't recognize me. She refuses to take the food or money I gave and starts yelling. I try a few more times and then I decide to leave her alone. For her I represent the truth, pain and suffering that she had to face from my generation.

Back in my own life I couldn't taker her off my mind as to why she was calm. Now I know. She is at peace with herself. I'm not.

Pic: Old Age

Why firms should take twitter seriously

It is simple, easy and so natural to do. This is one of the reasons why Twitter is better than many traditional marketing tools like direct marketing or mailer techniques. On an average 2% of direct mailers respond and about 1% close the sale in the time expected. The scenario is changed with Twitter. On any given tweet about an offer more people respond and this is a voluntary subscription or permission based interaction.

There are people who know what you are and cling to your 140 character thoughts. May be people don't care what you are doing but they DO care about what you can do for them. The possibilities are immeasurable and open. Firms should take this as a cue and spend more time and effort on Twitter or any other online communicating device that sends relevant need based short information that a consumer can use. Surely it would pay back much more than a bill board or leaflet campaign can do. Do I hear superbowl ads being replaced?

* Conditions apply

If you've worked, you haven't seen it all but you get an idea of just how low a company can stoop to. Most of the firms hand a contract that "is just a formality" that "needs to be signed right away" or that deals with "basic protocols". Always ask for a copy, take it with you, read it, reread it and make sure you know what's on the paper you have just been handed. If you sign it , it means you agree with what is said on the paper. Let me put it in a better way, you're basically agreeing to everything that's put forth in the contract. Next time you're asked to sign something don't sign it blindly. You'll thank me later.

Companies when hiring or selling try to get away by printing conditions and rules about how they can escape from responsibility. Especially the list is long and font is indecipherable. I think this is a short sighted move. You are only cheating me by tricking and hence losing my loyalty and trust. It should be the other way round. The main focus should be on how you can help me use it and come back for repurchase and not on how you can be put of the warranty or guarantee net. Instead go and make a better product.

Tag them

Have you ever seen luggage bags of people who do not remove the stickers of Airways by which they traveled even after 4 months of arrival? Well I think the association is so close and dear that they do not want to get rid of it.

Building associations which the customer do not want to break away from is difficult and takes a lot of time and effort. The other option is to stick tot he fundamentals of being successful in business. Promise a great experience, fulfill it and give something to remind them about the experience. This should be so effortless like the sticker on the luggage. If the promise is good and the experience matches it. Bingo! You have the consumer on your side.