How to win an argument

You are doing your phd in psychology right? Can you tell me how to win a fight? I get asked this question many times.

Frankly speaking, I am not sure how. However, I will try and give you some steps to do that.

1. A quote from my favorite book - The Bible: "Don't get involved in foolish and ignorant arguments that only start fights" (2 Tim 2:23)
2. Respect other's opinion
3. Stay away from people who are jobless
4. Don't waste your time with irritating people
5. Don't try to convince people out of their own ideas
6. Losing an argument is sometimes good if you are winning the person
7. Why bother!

Do I need a phd for this? I don't think so. I think it is more about common sense :)

Analyse — all things!

Accept — only good things!

Avoid — all questionable things!

Keep your mask on

[If you feel the tone of this post is strong, skip the last para]

I am sure you would have faced this. You spend time together, talk and do things together and after a point think you know the other person in and out. Usually after this point your confidence and trust on the other person has reached such a state that small aberrations would skip being noticed and even if they are, they wouldn't matter much to you. But you think you know someone until you find out things that scare you. Some people are so good at acting, tricking and cheating that if there is a doctoral certification, they would be eligible for honorary bestowing. Ever heard of wolf in sheepskin? Well there are too many phonies in sheepskin around and I hate that.

Does this mean I am asking you to doubt everyone and everything? The answer would be no, a firm NO. But shouldn't you be careful? You can act most of the time but somewhere your real attitude would come out and you are busted. You can't fool all the people all the time. The best thing is to stay what you are. If you hate it so much, think of how you could change. Pretending as someone else and showing off a false attitude wouldn't help you for long. There would be temporary gains and fun but the aftermath is usually worse.

How would you handle this? Especially when you see the actual colors of someone you trust come out before you? Depends on how important the other person is for you and how long you could cope with that. How would I handle this? Hmmm... lemme see... There would never even be a question of the person being important or not, close or not. Better keep your mask on or be far away. Really really far away.

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A time for everything

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

A time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

A time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

A time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

A time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

A time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

From Ecclesiastes, The Holy Bible

Moulding or misshaping?

I was just talking to an old friend and our discussion drifted to his 2 yr old niece. After mentioning how cute she was, he went on to mention that she turned irritating and annoying after her mom got pregnant again. It only increased when her baby brother came home. She would throw tantrums and get upset about everything, throw things and create a nuisance. This they found happening when they ignore her for sometime. This discussion went on till he started telling me how they found a way to stop these fits of anger. They used to lock the child in the bathroom and let her out only when she stopped crying. Most of the times it didn't work but repeated trips to the bathroom worked. The highest duration was 85 mts! Now if the child is annoying they just mention locking up in the bathroom and she turns nice. This is the point when I lost it. Moreover, he started to tell me all the MBA crap and how he implemented the classical conditioning theory to get a desired behaviour from the child.

85 mts in a bathroom for a kid of 2 yrs is like 2 years in solitary confinement for an adult. Either you are sick or something is seriously wrong. Don't you think you put a fear psychosis in the kid which would taunt her all through her life? Cmon. Why don't you try staying in the bath room for 2 days, crying? This discussion made me sick and what followed ensured that we are not on speaking terms anymore. It scares me to even think there are people like this in the educated lot.

This brings to my point. Whatever you study doesn't actually need to be applied to everything. Sure things seem fit but just don't apply everything everywhere just because you find a similarity in the situation.

McCain picks Sarah Palin

Some 12 hours after the Democrats across the U.S were energized by Barack Obama's acceptance speech, McCain regained some of the buzz with his choice of Sarah Palin, 44, a maverick Republican neophyte who was not even on the shortlist of candidates that at one time included the Indian-American governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal.

Palin is the youngest and first female governor of Alaska, a state that became part of the U.S only in 1949 some 80 years after it was bought from the Russian Empire for $ 7.2 million (about 2 cents an acre). She came to national attention because of her whistleblowing on ethical violations by state Republican Party leaders two years ago. She won election in 2006 by first defeating the incumbent governor in the Republican primary, then a former Democratic Alaskan governor in the general election.

Palin is certain to add some excitement to the rather staid candidature of McCain, notwithstanding his record as a war hero. According to the political grapevine, Palin could well be a conservative posterchild: She hunts, eats moose burgers, ice fishes, rides snowmobiles, and owns a float plane. She also holds a lifetime membership with the National Rifle Association. One of her sons, the eldest of five children, is in the army and is currently deployed in Iraq. The youngest, who is suffering from Down’s Syndrome, was born only four months ago.

McCain's pick of Palin is clearly aimed at attracting female support, especially from Democrats disgruntled over Hillary Clinton's loss in the primaries and Obama not picking her as his running mate thereafter. The choice also balances the Republican ticket, since McCain himself is seen as more centrist than conservative. Palin delivered her fifth child despite knowing about the Down’s Syndrome, which will make her a heroine to the pro-life, anti-abortion groups.

Kick the dead

"Sorry your work cannot be done! Why? The rules won't agree!"

You must have heard/said this many times. Most of the meetings, plans, proposals and daily activities often hit a dead end as some stupid stubborn rule exists. Why is it there? Who put it there? How to overcome it? No one knows or wants to. Defeatist people close their eyes and let the rulebook rule and ruin. Winners make/move things

Sometimes its not the rule book is not the only problem, people in positions are. They strictly follow the clock, time table, rules and regulations and come across as the most sincere person on the planet.

What are they actually doing? Creating a block, hurdle in the smooth functioning of the process. If you need to get things done think what the customer wants, smile and accept the application and check up with people who can do something about it. Empower your employees to think and use discretion in cases which can help your business.

Plan, think and work in a way that encourages people not to walk but run, win and complete the unfinished tasks, dead plans, relieve the painful customer and get the process going.

Let me relate a story my Dad told me once.

All the MPs in the Indian Parliament were postponing a particular bill for many days and kept on discussing for long. Lal Bahadur Shastri was the PM then. One day he came to office with a pair of old stinking socks in his coat pocket. No one knew where the dirty stench was coming from. After a long search and discussion Shastri revealed and put them on the table to much disgust of the MPs, especially ones around him.

One of them asked him, "PM sir! You are supposed to dispose of the old socks and not carry them around as if they are something important!"

"Exactly!" replied Shastri, "but I wanted to see how long can we carry dead weight as we are doing with this bill!" Needless to say the bill was passed before lunch.

Move the dead weight over. Either finish it or cancel it. Read my earlier post on why sometimes it is better to kick the rule book.

So what are you going to complete today?

Injurious to health

"Only smoking is injurious to health," said Bijay, "but drinking? No one said anything about that!"

It triggered many thoughts in my mind. He was going out to his friends place and was discussing plans for the evening. A movie and booze were on the list. I told him its not good and he shouldn't be addicted to anything and hence should consider stopping the habit. I have heard many reasons why people do what they do but this was different. No one said anything about drinking! Its true. In fact many advertisements exist where they show people enjoying a drink and coming across as posh and cool! All this is encouraging.

Now does mentioning that smoking is injurious to health change a few minds? May be yes may be no. But the fact remains that no one said anything. May be Romdoss is right or may be Amitabh! But I think it sure worked with Sharukh Khan who quit smoking today. A step towards betterment is never late. May be people just drink because no one told them not to!

So what do you think, should every bottle of booze have posters asking not to drink?

Un-Rahmanic

We all know how good Rahman is at surprising and touching your chords when it comes to music.

17 years later what has Rahman got up his sleeve? Can he surprise me again with his freshness? May be Yes. But I bet many of his listeners would be able to make out a Rahman song in whatever language it is. This particular song, Kabhi Kabhi Aditi..., from JTJN is not the same. Listeners cannot guess it to be from Rahman. Its good but its fresh, breaks the clutter and Rahman has created a song which is Un-Rahmanic and succeded in winning the audience.

Any Brand will succeed in gaining more land if it can move on and win more hearts, fans and create a fresh image in the consumer's psyche. Rahman is too good at it.

Parrot vs Chartered Accountant

Every morning in the southern part of the country, mostly in my home state of Tamil Nadu, hundreds of astrologers sit below a shade, usually a tree and predict the future of their 'clients'. Their tool is a caged parrot. The mechanism - the parrot when allowed to come out of the cage is trained to pick one booklet from many that the astrologer spreads out.

And based on the clues printed in that particular booklet the astrologer predicts the future of his clients. Mostly the questions are predictable - problems relating to cash flows, business, finance, health, children and of course marriage. Years of experience has taught the astrologer to give non-standard yet satisfactory replies to these standard questions even to the most intelligent clients. Interesting, isn't it? Or is it mastery of the human psyche?

Read more.

Are you complaining?

Naga Naresh Karutura has just passed out of IIT Madras in Computer Science and has joined Google in Bangalore.

You may ask, what's so special about this 21-year-old when there are hundreds of students passing out from various IITs and joining big companies like Google? Naresh is special. His parents are illiterate.

He has no legs and moves around in his powered wheel chair. (In fact, when I could not locate his lab, he told me over the mobile phone, 'I will come and pick you up'. And in no time, he was there to guide me)

Ever smiling, optimistic and full of spirit; that is Naresh. He says, "God has always been planning things for me. That is why I feel I am lucky."

Read why Naresh feels he is lucky.

He reminds me of Nick. So are you still complaining? Are you trying to find excuses?

Wanna fight?

Carrying emotions out of the home always works in the negative. When you are frustrated and emotionally charged up it usually makes you feel sorry for what you are and angry at the partner. I remember a friend ending her day with over 40 mistakes at work when she had a real tick off with her husband. Another time a friend of mine, who is usually silent, ended up shouting at the waiter in the hotel for serving late. We were there after his fight with his gf. I am sure you must have had an experience like this.

Every interaction you have with others may blow up resulting in venting your frustration. It may be when you are driving, buying, selling or even chatting. The worst thing is at the end of all the effort you feel it could be avoided. Most of the times emotionally charged people invite trouble and feel happy when they are at the receiving end of the pain. Guilt pains.

Though it is hard to avoid emotional situations, its best to reconcile before leaving home. Its always better to say sorry to your partner than fighting with someone else. Next time you have the fight, cool down and compromise before stepping out.

Paper Statements vs E-statements

There was a discussion in today's class about the acceptance of paper statements of credit cards vs e-statements. An argument was that the e-statements are not that inviting as customers prefer paper statements and think the bank is going to goof up and hence they need to be ready.

A bad experience may cause you to take extra caution and hence the person ends up asking for paper statements to ensure that there is no future flaw. The sense of security and 'I am ready' feel takes over.

It happened to me once. I first accident I had ended with my palms injured and it took a long time for them to heal. The next time I met with the accident my hands automatically went up ad ended without injuring them. I see this as a innate behaviour of the human mind, may be a part of the defence mechanism.

Once smitten twice shy?

Blasts in Bangalore

The latest blasts in Bangalore are going to trigger the safety needs. And may ensue the frantic buying and behaviour. Stay home and stay safe.

The beauty of the civilization is in its ability to move on. Anything like this brings people together and helps them work harder. It helps them Gel. And yes with time everything is forgotten. The sickos will never win!

Fighting Inflation

In order to maintain profitability, firms have increased prices, which is making consumers dig deeper into their pockets.

Manufacturers have also tweaked package sizes — reducing weight while maintaining price bands — in order to indirectly pass on the burden to consumers. “Britannia Industries Ltd had done that — reduced the grammage but kept the price same."

Read more.

Market trend

The stock market is going to be healthy with the government staying stable as expected. Does this mean the testosterone levels in the body and the jubilation increase risk taking, may be yes. So you know when to buy and when to sell. As for today the stock is expected to reach 14800 and in the next two days could reach anywhere near 16000 .

What say?

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.


The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."


The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".

12 things your CV should NOT have

What shouldn't be in your CV

• Colorful or glossy paper and flashy fonts
• Resume or CV at the top Photographs until asked
• Usage of 'I', 'My', 'He', 'She'
• Spelling mistakes and grammatical errors
• Lies about your candidature
• Abbreviations or jargon that is difficult to understand
• Reasons for leaving last job
• Past failures or health problems
• Current or expected salary
• Irrelevant details
• References

Read more.

Change to where?

What do you want? From 1 to 4 or 4 to 1 ?

Change for Good not Worse.

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Rules of Customer Service

Source: FFO

Kick the Rulebook

Sometimes you need to look beyond the rules and try to help the customer. You cannot stick to your rulebook and expect the customer to be happy. If what the customer is asking for is logical, possible and is allowed by your organization's rules, DO IT. Why do people hate government offices? Sticking by the rulebook just because you can makes people hate you.

People go to places, shops, outlets, fuel pumps, doctors only when they love the service not because they get the things they are looking for. So kick the rulebook if you can.