Republic Nepal!

The only official Hindu country in the world has become a republic and chosen democracy - Just like other British Colonies. This is a welcome sign as India will have a democratically thinking audience to talk to. It will see a good boost in business, technology, defence education. India has to be proactive and ensure that China keeps away from here. For all the ppl in Nepal its freedom, literally.

IPL: the aftermath

IPL and controversy are always along. They have the best marketers in the country working for them all the time.

I am eagerly waiting for some thing to happen to keep this burning for the next few months.
As far as players are concerned no senior is going to play... They all will pay tired or injured. The BCCI will come to their rescue and help them cover this up. Do you remember players complaining of tight schedules with 40 matches in a year and sighting this as a reason for their injuries and non-performance a couple of years back. Now no one is doing it. So dont get shocked if some big names get dropped from the team. Sachin, Saurav, Dravid, Dhoni, Yuvraj, Pathans, Kaif, etc will be rested. you will get this news in a day or two.

But what you need to look at is how well the BCCI covers this up.

Hot cake = Tibet!

So whatt is the best way to stay in news as we already discussed: Controversy!

Make out rageous statements on things that come up in news and stay IN it.
Latest is Sharone stone! I seriously see no link between Tibet and China's earthquake. For all I know Buddha was a peace loving God and he would never have done something like this. And if I see the link then USA should have wiped out for the same reason : Karma. Karma for Afghanistan, Vietnam, Iraq. So Dear Sharone, Find a beach and go fishing!

Chaadar jitna hai, utna hi paon phailao

What better financial advise do you need?
Plan your expenses so that you dont have to stick your feet in the cold repaying your debts. Spend only what you can pay, buy what you can afford.
Simple yet useful.

Vodafone users are dumb!

Vodafone users are dumb!

Thats what the ad seems to tell me. Our service is so bad that you need to call customer care and depend on us.

Vodafone users cane remember where the other sock is! They cant remember that they need to wear a tie.. which they do everyday! They cant ride a bike. They cant catch a fish, cant find a gluestick to send the mail, can tplan a thing and constantly need assistance.

I will go to airtel!

Sometimes if you donot plan properly you might be sending wrong messages to the people at your own risk. Some competitor might hit back at you very easily!

China blurred by Pakistan: Part II

Well, I am very good at this :)

Check this out: India test-fires 'Prithvi' missile Khabrein.info - 14 hours agoNEW DELHI, May 23 (KUNA) -- India successfully test-fired Friday its 150-250 km range surface-to-surface "Prithvi" missile from a defence base in the Eastern Indian state of Orissa.

Now wait for the Chandrayaan News!

Blogging on compulsion!

When Amitabh introduced bell bottom trousers the nation followed him. He danced they too did. He cried on screen they wept. He sang they partied.
When he blogged, same reaction! God knows how much Bigadda is paying him per blog!
What seems to be a fun activity is becoming a compulsion for many stars to take time out and blog their mind out. Aamir, Salman, Shobaa and God knows who will be the next. But I can tell you Sharukh will be the last to join the bandwagon. Why? He loves to let others fight and then kill the winner :) So keep watching...

The other side of blogging is that you get a chance to interact with your favorite star without any cost, effort or hurdle. When this gains importance in the long run all the tabliods with 'exclusive' will fail to sell as the audience will be able to see through the cooked up stuff while they get the pure stuff from the blogs.

The result: Good for the ppl, stars. Bad for the magazines.

Crude Shock!

The crude pain is unbearable.
All oil majors are suffering from it and still are bearing ot for the elections to get over!
No party wants a fuel rise now as it would effect their poll chances. Clever people.
So even if there is a delay in the fuel price hike, it is inevitable. So be ready for about 30% hike as soon as the elections get over by 29th.
I am going to get my tank filled on 28th :)

Crime Sells

I think it is sickening to see people kill and do criminal acts on screen or do we enjoy it?

I think people enjoy it!
· Look at the fight scenes in the movies, public, parliament
· Late night shows about how a criminal acted, why he did and sometimes they enact it on screen. Extremely detailed description is given about the act as if they are glorifying it
· A child crying and begging attracts no attention but two people fighting gathers a group enjoy! Some even join!

The moral of the story is pain, crime sell. As a marketer you need to understand how to use this to position your product! How efficiently you do it decides your success.

IPL may twist : Part II

Three things that I mentioned about IPL have already come true within a day!

RCB won a match with CSK
SRK & Ganguly, Warne & Ganguly in controversy
Warne seen smoking on the filed (Another controversy)

Many clothes make the dhobi rash

This is a proverb in Urdu in Hyderabad: ‘Kapade jyada aane se dhobi ka muh jyada bolega’.

Three of my team went to a supermarket to buy a water bottle but the guy there acted as if we didn’t exist! Because we were giving him business worth 20/- which obviously he was not interested. No the store was not busy nor was we rude. The entire body language and attitude of the guy was wrong. You must have seen this when you go to any retail outlet when the person is busy or has many customer or has made a good sale that day. The attitude changes and the sales person will act rash and careless indifferent to the fact that YOU pay the amount and can opt to walk out.

One such experience can make you skip the store. What does this tell us? The customer is the KING and wants to be treated that way. The respect and care shouldn’t change with the item he is buying or the way he is dressed. He is in control and you may actually loose a customer for good. What you need to realize is that the fact that good profitable relationships were built over some time but can be ruined with one incident like this. What need to be your scale of measuring the value of a customer is his life-time value and not the particular sale.

Make way for the new Prez Obama!

Its almost clear that Obama is leading the race for the US President. But I salute the spirit and passion of Hillary. How she follows her campaign! Anyways history will be made. So what I expect is Obama for the prez and Hillary for the vice-prez. That would be a dream come true, for both! Make way for Obama!

If this happens and if Obama’s signals are to be heeded there would be less and less projects coming to India as they would be directed to other nations. With new talent coming up in the form of China, Vietnam and other such nations we will have a tough time in continuing the same lifestyle and we definitely need a back up! So better start working on alternative technologies and skills that would keep your valet full even when the IT shifts its base.

So what’s your back up plan?

Its Kashmir time, Once Again

It was pushed to the back pages till now and its time to bring it to the front page once again.

Why do I think so?

China’s nuclear prowess
Unstable government in Pakistan
Election time in India
Modi has been silent for a loooong time
No other issue on the cards
Musharraf has to be sacked soon!

So let’s see what happens!

Wassup in the Next Year?

Let me start with something I am very good at: Predicting!

Just observe the newspapers from today till the elections and you will find that the days are no longer safe and a lot of bad things are happening all around. Many papers including the conservative ones will have their front page headlines with the words like: ‘Dead’, ‘killed’, ‘accident’, ‘food shortage’ and all other negative words that send a chill down your spine and make you feel insecure and emotional. Then there would also be things that would make you feel more loving, caring and more emotionally blackmailing you to either vote against or for the party in power. The signals are always there in every democracy to prove a point or two and make people vote for someone or the other. Its just a matter of time as to whom would the people choose to vote for. This target audience is blackmailed emotionally to think either its time to change for a new party which would provide a safe and secure life.

If you are looking for a proof then you need to count the number of accidents in rail and road that made it to the first page in the last 2 years and take an average. You will find that the next year count will definitely exceed it.

This is usually used by marketers of FMCG products, especially health related ones. Do you remember the soaps ads showing germs crawling all over, toothpaste, shampoo and the latest ‘dust busters’ ad of ACs. So folks! Let’s wait and see if my observation is gonna be correct.

CHINA clouded by PAK?

"Right!" said I. "Right on both points! But I confess that I don't see how you arrived at it. It was a sudden impulse upon my part, and I have mentioned it to no one."

- The Sign of Four

China has been lurking closer and building all the nuclear capacities to clean swipe Northern China and Southern Russia all these days and you have done nothing to counter it?

How do you cover up a huge miss out!

What happens when this is out in news and every one comes to know about it?

How do you answer 100 crores population? What would pump their confidence back? What would shift their focus?

Simple!

- Successfully test 2 missiles from ISRO
- Bring up an emotional issue (This time a lady is appointed as the head of the missile program., my sincere apologies as I know she is deserving!)
- Shift the focus to Pakistan (Report disturbances at the border, firing, peace talks, and other stuff)
- Talk about Srilanka, Indonesia or some other country to shift the focus!
- Talk about Chandrayaan!
- Talk about some controversy! Fraudsters, cases, stars, and so on

Do you see my logic? It really works! As far as I am concerned I am planning to learn Chinese!

Vodafone’s new ad!

What would you do when you want to make it to the front page and not spend a rupee for it? Make someone comment and ensure it gets enough coverage in the press. Look at this for an example.

Animal activists are up in arms against the new ad of Vodafone claiming that the cute lil’ pug was ‘made to run on a crowded street behind a speeding bus endangering its life’ and ‘running causes the pug critical as it is known to have respiratory problems’. Something like this were published in the press and discussed on TV and all channels clambered to show this particular ad during prime time. They even said a notice was issued against Vodafone on this issue. And after about a week no one has any problem with the same and what happened to the notice.

Some questions about the Ad: What simple observation would tell you!

· The ad was shot on a deserted street (No traffic)
· The school bus was literally crawling on the street (Just observe the wheels of the bus going very slow just as the pug appears on the left side chasing the bus)
· It’s a down hill track, so the pug was not struggling at all!
· The ad shows the pug running only for 3 seconds. If this causes respiratory problems then all pugs should be kept in cages!
· If they a problem with this ad what about the ads of ‘Microsoft Original software’?


So it’s not actually the pug people are worried about! It’s about the TRPs and battle for primetime and Cover page! Again cheap but it works!

IPL may twist!

"You are making fools of us, Mr. Holmes!" – ‘The valley of fear’

I discussed what happens when reality shows don’t sell... throw in some masala, tears politics and TRPs zoom. Then what is the solution for IPL?

So are you bored of too many IPL matches and miss the cheerleaders?

Did you forget the Slapgate scandal? Good… what you are looking for is some more masala!

Criticize SRK coming to the dugout! It will keep you busy for the next 4 days! Then what else?

Let Bangalore royal challengers win a game! OK for 2 days! (Do you know that they will be ending this IPL season with 3 matches with a really big win!)

Then? Ask Kapil or Saurav or Warne or the usually silent Dravid to comment strongly on something! Fodder for 3 days!

Bring McCullan back! 3 days bliss!

Then time for some on-field action
(Controversy Time: Hit or kick someone, blame games, accusations, etc.)

Quick facts of tomorrow!

• Next few matches will see some players sledging, bodyline bowling, good proven fielders dropping some simple catches, unknown players making it big in runs and wickets!

• Controversial decisions by empires on field that change the match flows!

• Crowds will throw things on to the field and stop proceedings for some time

• Saurav will walk in late to the field. Again

• The ultimate one would be a match fixing scandal being unearthed, some players banned for taking drugs, fight with local media, or some big issue which would run for a year once the IPL season is over to keep the issue alive till the next edition!

So keep guessing and keep watching! Is Sidhu listening???

Brand Recall or For the sake of art?

Did you know Sharukh had to run behind Gauri for winning her heart or that Hrithik put a platinum eternity band in a cup of coffee in CCD in Mumbai to make Susan fall for him! Do you know what Kajol likes to eat for dinner or what happens when Shankar Eshan Loy have a difference with each other? Well tune in to any reality show and you will find these ‘out of work’ stars hosting and judging people who are 10 times more talented and perfect performers and giving them feedback and compliments and may be try out a jig or two with them on the stage.

When you see this happen simply understand that they either have no recent hits or something is coming up from their end or may be a new movie is releasing that week or they are simply out of work and are desperately seeking popularity through the show. Remember Ajay and Sharukh being all over your TV before their movie, Aamir Khan and Darsheel before TZP? Do these people come to these shows for improving their career or for the sake of art?

Audience simply laps up these shows for the stars and sleep happily!

Cheap trick but it works!

Reality Shows! Or do they?

I have never been a good fan of TV soaps and reality shows that invite voting from the audience! It was on my mind to dissect them and understand the logic. Here it is…

What they do is hypnotize you in to believing that you are in control and make you feel like a decision-maker and judge and coax you into sending a SMS or call a number to vote for a particular candidate in the selected list on the stage. Poor audience vote. Some people even send multiple votes!

Here is how it works…

You are charged with 6 rupees per SMS.
The show producers get 3 rupees, TRAI gets 1 rupee, service provider i.e. AIRTEL, Vodafone, Idea, BSNL and others get about 2 rupees(approx).

The final episode of Sony Indian Idol had approximately 6 crores votes in a span of 1 hour. So that means the earnings that day for Sony was 18 crores! The winner took home about 1 crore worth contract from Sony! Just imagine the revenue of all the 60 episodes telecasted and re-telecasted on public demand !!! Do you remember how these programs carry the scroller, ‘This is a repeat telecast and hence your vote is not counted’ after a good 3 minutes after the begging for votes end on repeat telecast and that too in the smallest of the font size possible? By then you would have already sent the vote assuming it would be counted!

What is in it for you?

So what would happen if these programs don’t sell and get enough TRPs? Simple… Throw in some masala! Make the judges criticize a seemingly perfect recital or performance and use harsh words to rip the contestant apart. You would be automatically taking sides by then! Use a wild card or some other way to bring the contestant back on show and this time it would be a perfect performance! So you have earned your SMS or call’s worth! Did you ever observe that the rejected performers are from only from metros or so called big states! Why is there no performer from Goa, Kerala, Manipur or Sikkim, J & K? Because the number of people who would be SMSing from these states is low. Either people are educated or don’t care about these shows! The conclusion is that its not worth to take a performer and invest so much time and money as he would have at the maximum 5-6% of the votes of his state’s total population!

So, as they say, think before you vote next time!

IPL winners?

Who will end up as the winner of the DLF IPL’s first season? The answer is simple: ALL.

Players are getting their fees paid in crores, stars and icons have their moolah, small players have a platform to expose their talent and fulfill their dream of playing International Cricket.

Franchisees can get the players act for their companies and promote their products or brands: Bangalore ROYAL CHALLENGErs are the best example.

Companies who are sponsoring the players and teams have their dream come true. Ponting and Saurav in the same ad? Dhoni and Muralidharan in the same ad? Combinations that are otherwise impossible to get or too costly and risky have come true. Where else can you see Sachin and Sanath getting blessings from Bal Thackery!

So what is in it for you and me, the general public? Four hours of exciting, unadulterated entertainment full of action, bollywood, WWF, FTV and if all this doesnot excite you, groove in to Sivamani’s beats!

So in all it’s a Win-Win situation!

Surrogate Advertising or Just Playing Smart!

MTV recently went on air showing the new AXE ad which contained some clips that were objectionable to the ‘traditional’ Indian culture and sentiments. So the Sensor board came to the rescue of the aam aadmi by issuing the channel a stern warning and asking it to stop broadcasting such ads on TV.

What did MTV do? They put a scroller the next day across all programs(24 hours) that said, “MTV is issued a warning by Sensor Board for broadcasting New AXE Deodorant advertisement as it contained objectionable stuff ”. The New AXE Deodorant advertisement was in quotes. Any netizen would have been rompted to search for it on Youtube and seen it there. How clever! And what a coverage for the ad!