Google+ Positive Psychologist: August 2010

Leader

Monday, August 30, 2010

Monday blues: Get online

Use the best weapon that is available to the best use. Unfortunately, we tend to use it for all the wrong or at least for purposes that aren't worthy. Check the time you spend online and see how much you waste. Can we be more productive?

"The fantastic thing about the web is that anyone with a computer and an Internet connection can tap into a global market from day one."
--- Dan Cobley

Monday Blues: PMS

Mondays have been dreaded. Mondays should be the days when you learn, grow and plan.

Monday should be a day of passion, motivation and structuring.

  • Tap your passion. Motivate yourself to reach out to that passion. Structure your work and life to meet the only goal: your passion. Make your priorities on a hard day even more harder. Stick to the to-do list. Make no changes unless something really pressing comes up. Make sure you spend less time contemplating what to do and concentrate on doing it. Remind yourself about what you are set to do and keep at it. Fix a time slot for other things and handle them then.
  • Motivate yourself to make the best out of the whole fixture. Tell yourself that this is easy and you can do it. Anything so tough can be that only till you start it. And then it is cake walk. Reminding yourself about the passion is a good option.
  • Structuring your work to make the best out of the whole situation is very good as long as it does show a gleam of light. Keep your plan free from clutter, junk and irrelevant things that you usually do on a normal day.
If you are an individual who is handling PMS, think about how well you can do it. If you are a manager with your team member or colleague facing this problem, what can you do to make it easier?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Add a memory III

Lovely anklets! Silver lined stone-embedded and not so glittery that go with any dress, more of casual, I-don't-give-a-damn anklets. She reaches out and is toying with them while sipping piping hot coffee we bought from the station platform.

'Society is a mean judge. You get ranked based on how you look rather than what you are. Work places are a microcosm of this evil. I usually prefer dressing in casuals and match everything to what I wear and carry but these days no one bothers in my team and being the tough girl I am, no one dares to comment. So I wear whatever I want.'

Shravya seemed to speak to herself more than me.

'The dress should look costly; Branded ones manage to get respect. I don't need to look for anything. Lifestyle does not determine who I am. I am past that stage and more matured now. Life teaches many things you see.'

I nodded in agreement. Agreeing only to the last part of her theory.

'Most men can't face the fact that I earn more than them and look at this as a snob. Even if a girl deserves to be promoted, there are rumor mills working overtime to show that there was some illicit advantage for the girl!'

'This is not just confined to men,' I chip in, 'Mostly the discussion starts from a women and men build on it. There is nothing particular only for men. It is how human psyche is built. Being jealous is the first thing taught at school when you compare grades and performances and limit the child's ability to a mere number.'

'Agreed. The way society teaches you to mould yourself and be nice isn't any good. In fact you end up wanting to step over to the other side. All the capability and talent is ignored just because you are a woman and people murmur behind you. This is bad. Do you even know how much a woman sacrifices when she steps out of her comfort and comes to work? Do you know how many male egos she has to encounter and satisfy to lead a normal life? From her husband to father-in-law, neighbors to relatives, team mates to managers, cab driver to security and it goes on. People all over have mean attitudes and are always ready to scoop something from you as you work. After all this we never complain about work pressure and are expected to stay calm and work at home as if nothing happened.'

My coffee is done and I crush the cup. The train slows down and she looks at me waiting for a comment. I refuse to divulge my feelings in my expression. She remains silent.

'Don't you feel people look up to you? You seem to be pretty successful at work. I guess people should be behind you for advice and stuff?'

'Yes they do. This is even more tiresome as the question is about the amount of work I do. Apart from being dumped on for all the work I am expected to do, people just dump things on me as I am the most efficient in the group! This is the negative side of being professionally sound. I can't say no because I know anyone else in handling that would mess it up.'

'Well! I know how you feel. I have been there and know the feeling. What I do is teach someone else to do the same job, add a professional touch and let it pass on.' She doesn't seem to like my idea.

'You must have a lot of coercing and counseling to do to get the stuff right. I end up spending most of my time on that and hence prefer to do it myself, to retain the quality. That is not the point of discussion. We are talking about the differences in the psyche and how people play it to hit back. Men have egos higher than a mountain and try to shove their ideas and beliefs down our throat. This isn't fair. We have our way of doing things and are good at it. If we managed to do well all these years, we should be able to do that in the time to come. We don't need a daddy at work too. After all why are we being paid if you think we don't have any talent on our own?"

She flicks the tea cup out of the moving train and looks at me as if I need to move my pawn down the chess board. I change my balance and look at her.

'That is a pretty bold statement when you say men handhold you. We just try and make sure you are comfortable in what you are doing. True. You are being paid for your talent, but does it really hurt if we try and help you out? Just to make things simpler.'

She doesn't agree. 'That is not required! If you can make things simpler or help us out, don't dump all your silly things on us! Make sure you do a good job. Let me give you an example. Do you cook?'

I nod in approval.

'Good! Did you ever see the kitchen table, dishes and all the mess you create once you are done? You can be of help but never ever perfect what we are good at. Men are made for a purpose. The point is you take too long to figure it out. Some never do. Some get lost in the way. But one thing is common in all. At every corner or speed breaker in this path, you feel this is it and stick to stay there for ever and expect us to travel all along with you. Women are not like that. We are very practical. We know what we want, when we want and why we want. We go get things done. Period. No nonsense discussions and elaborate plans for life. WE make things simpler. You make all the mess. We don't mind that too. We start minding only when you try and prove that we made the mess and are expected to clear it up!'

I look out nonchalantly out. The train slows down and picks up slowly. The rhythm could easily set to Chaiyya chaiyya! I should have slept and not spoken to her. Here I am defending all the men who are happily sleeping against a woman who wants to rip off all men and justify her statement men are boring. Damn Sharukh and your silly movies. Why don't you play the Don stories or Chak De roles? After all those stories why should you play the all-down-for-you Surinder? And how is it practically possible for a guy working in electricity department to do all that? But how will I convince your female fans? You twist their docile minds and they expect us to be. Damn Sharukh!

We approach a station. I come back from my thoughts and she is still arguing, sincerely.

'You want everything to be as you like it. What about our individuality? We don't want to change, can't. You think it is easy to change but it never is. You should learn to live with that fact. Let me put it better. Even two men cannot be in sync with each other. It reflects in the way you drive too.'

"You want to grab some coffee?" I say as I stand up. We reach a station. The station wakes up for the train and vendors jump down their carts. The number of interested hawkers is low.

I get her some chips and coffee. I stand as the train eases out of the station and settle down. She cups the glass in both hands for warmth and gives that I-know-you glee.

I shrug gesturing what.

'You are like Pradhyumn. You know when to change. I know that you are being chivalorous but you wanted to skip the conversation.'

'No. I just wanted to get some coffee. I don't agree what you said. Let's start about the driving bit. But before that who is Pradhyumn?'

She smiles. For the first time in all the night I see a girl in her.

'Come on! Who is Pradhyumn? You got to tell me more about this.'

She opens the chips packet and settles down.

Who is Pradhyumn? Well, that is another story.

Read Add a memory Part I and Part II.

Get efficient

Got a car? Ever thought you could be the reason for the low efficiency? Here is what I found online. Covers the following points and was an interesting read.
  • Check Tyre Pressure
  • Lighten Your Load
  • S-L-O-W D-O-W-N
  • Do Fuel Quality/Types/Additives Help Mileage?
  • Tune Your Engine
  • Clean the Air Filters Regularly
  • Keep the Windows Closed
  • Clean Spark Plugs
  • Don’t Be a Clutch-Driver
  • Keep the Car in Showroom Condition

Love until it hurts


Two of my favorite quotes from Mother Teresa.
  1. I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love
  2. I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much
Wish you were here celebrating your 100th birthday.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hush Apollo! Halt

Strike Thy wings, hush Apollo! Halt!
Let the noon creep really slow,
White, soft, calm and low,
My Angel's hurrying things, to give salt!

Let the moon's vague light,
Prowl with unhallowed slumber deep;
Keep your golden haze robbing sleep,
Push far long away the night.

Let the sunshine cling,
Lay the shadows short;
Longer should Thou court,
Before you kiss earth's sling.

Hark my words Apollo, Halt!
Till my Angel triumphs,
Gleaming from the dust with hymns,
Praising the Lord in Exalt!

Pic courtesy nethugs

Monday, August 23, 2010

Happy Onam


Happy Onam and God bless you all with lots of prosperity. Missing all celebrations, food and fun from Kerala.

Monday Blues: The deliberate no-ball!

In keeping the Monday Blues thoughts on, today let's see 'The deliberate no-ball!'

If you aren't familiar to the universe of cricket, Sehwag was denied a well deserved century by the Lankans when they had a no-ball bowled deliberately and stranded him on 99 when India won the match. The best part is Sehwag raised it in the press conference and pointed it as a repeat mistake inviting the public ire and discontent towards the team and cricket as a whole. Everyone acted as if this is quite new to the gentleman's game!

It happens all the while in life and at work. Yes, you would find such people in your area of work too. What makes someone do that?

When you ought to be promoted and someone doesn't do that. When your file needs to move but doesn't. When an appreciation is due but never comes. When there is a mistake and it is definitely mentioned. When the world wakes up to your achievement but your boss chooses to ignore or vice versa. When you don't do the needed and delay.

The list can go on but I hope you got my point. When you delay things don't ever feel they are not going to happen. You cant stop a star from shining by closing your eyes or holding a palm against the light.

This Monday, don't bowl the deliberate no-ball. Don't be a Randiv. Be a proactive leader. You don't need appreciation or title or designation to be one. Lead not push back. Go do the extra bit to make things happen.

Can an eclipse stop the sun from shining?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

On the right track


Even if you are on the right track, you will be run over if you just sit.

Stop being a snail and get to work.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Spamming away?

Tired of spam mails offering you everything you didn't want? We usually delete them. Few go the long way. Baby did just that. Read on.

Click on the image to enlarge.

Sree & Breathless?

Am I a bit late in mentioning it here? Sree swept off the Indian Idol 5 last night. Here is one of his best performances at Indian Idol(which you must have seen) and another performance in a Telugu show.



Monday Blues: Let me sleep

Too good to ignore.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

In Dependence Day

"Manmohan Singh! Manmohan Singh! Manmohan Singh!"

Sid's voice rings out from the corridor. I venture out to see what that is and he is dribbling a basket ball while chanting PM's name. Amused, I ask him does he know who Manmohan Singh is and he answers right. I am happy and then he shocks me when he says he is the first prime minister of India and goes back to his dribbling and chanting with a sinful glee.

I step out and start driving. Kids, small ones, with torn clothes come and knock at the glass on my window, hands holding several flags of all shapes and sizes. Wrist bands with the tricolor, hairbands and what not.

I move on and come to a joint where Rajkumar and Rajinikanth are fighting for supremacy showing off their pride and valor. These are two auto stands, named after their super stars, opposite to each other and with loudspeakers blaring from the background, faces painted as if they are witnessing a cricket match, they dance to popular Kannada, Hindi, Telugu, Tamil and Marathi songs. I couldn't make out which language the other songs are in as the sound is too high and the beat is too loud.

Vande mataram!

The time is 7 AM and I just step out of my house to pick up a friend before heading to Barista for work! An old lady stops me right in the tracks. She is holding a small boy for support and they have a stool on the side of the road selling flags, mostly of cotton and plastic paper. I look at the kid. He is shivering in cold and has no slippers on his feet. I lower my windows and park. It is damn cold outside(in Bangalore) and step out. He looks up to me and offers me few flags.

"Vande mataram anna, pileaseee anna, yeradu togoli!" I ruffle his hair and take out tape from the car and start sticking the flags on my car. The kid gets friendly and helps me with the tape. He has a sister, a younger one, at home and has to go play with her today. No work for parents today as it is independence day. Both his parents are construction workers and work everyday to keep their little mouths munching. He has been given 50 rupees to buy these flags his dad picked up and sent his granny along for supervision. I know how to count he proudly tells me and when I asked why he greeted me with Vandemataram, he smile back. So how much is he planning to earn today from these goodies? "150 rupees! anna." Then I will go and play in the ground with Gowri. We are getting payasam from the temple nearby. I finish my decorating and pay the kid the amount he is targeting and tell him to shoot. He goes to his grand mother, shows her the money. She lifts her hands in a traditional namaste and unlike what I expected she pockets the money in a pouch and shoves it down her vaisti. The kid starts cribbing and she hushes him down. I intervene and makes sure she gives him the money back and send him off, leaving the lady to sell.

A posh apartment complex where I heard Manmohan Singh chants in the corridor, is getting ready for a morning saga. I see the music system, key boards, tables being set for a party. Members only. All kids come down for the 0845 party and are in the swing. All aunties are setting up stalls with home made delicacies being sold at exorbitant prices and the proceeds supposedly goes to the poor!?

I am all but home when I see a rush of people who slowly and resistantly fall in to a line. I see a sumo being unloaded at the beginning of the line and free food being distributed by some party. Lot of pushing and hurtling ensues and some emerge victorious with food packets. Good at least one politician felt the need to feed few street urchins today.

Barista is unusually crowded today. A new to-be-couple sits across my table right now. Parents at both sides howering when the girl and boy meet. The scene is quite interesting. Barista, some loud uncomprehending music is playing in the back ground. The girl and boy are made to sit side by side. Parents get past their pleasantries in no time and are already bonding. The girl's father(or someone like that), wearing a Bosch tee keeps shooting questions intermittently at the boy about Texas, Tech Mahindra and recession, where he stays, what he eats and things like that. The discussions drifts from there to some relative he knows who stays nearby and the poor chaps pleads ignorance of the same. The girl is fully dressed, literally, in her traditional best, from bindi to a full-sleved white zari-edged cotton dress. No words exchanged! A lot of silence between the two and the guy steps out whipping his blackberry. The girl is slumped in a chair and the parents almost behave as if the match is pukka. The figure they cut is sorry. The girl's dad? pays the bill and they are off. Wasn't I talking about independence?

Bang! The chap and his mom are back with someone else. This time the girl is accompanied by her brother? and is too chattery. The chap's mom is back to ordering stuff again. Dressed in a tee and jean, the girl strikes instant conversation with the chap and his mom. Food is the topic and the mom is basking in all glory. Boy! I can stay all day here and see how they behave!

Back to Sid. He just entered UKG and hence I chose not to discuss the order of the PM with him.The kid on the road has better things than who the PM is to worry about and hence no point. The kids selling flags at the traffic signal, have no reason to remember who the 1st PM is and what independence means to them is that the goodies they sell have just changed color.

For far too many it doesn't matter as they are blissfully asleep enjoying the freedom. For those few it matters, it trickles down to the question of existence. Where is the freedom? We are still in dependence. Ain't you? Teach your kids and younger ones what independence is and how it was earned. What is the pride in being an Indian if you don't know the value of one?

The track at Barista changes to Madonna. I will Die Another Day.

You guys go ahead and have a nice day. Can you make someone smile today? Someone eat his first full meal of the month?

I am the tiger

Any life is made up of a single moment, the moment in which a man finds out, once and for all, who he is.

Nothing is built on stone; all is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone.

Time is the substance from which I am made. Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire.

Life itself is a quotation.

--- George Luis Borges

Monday, August 9, 2010

Monday Blues: Lots of luck

I agree that there is a lot of luck involved in success. I have a key to success. The more you work, the better your chances are. This Monday try showing up for luck to smile on you.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Start trying

After a discussion about an unsuccessful attempt in getting someone to try and be good, pick a positive choice, a good friend asked me this...

"Tiger, Why do you keep trying to change the world? Stop! It is of no use."

Here's what I replied back. "May be you should start trying."

May be you should too.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Worth defending

Got this as a forward...

From the Congressional Joint Committee on Atomic Energy, April 17, 1969, regarding the justification for funding the then unbuilt Fermilab:

Senator John Pastore: Is there anything connected with the hopes of this accelerator that in any way involves the security of the country?

Robert Wilson: No sir, I don't believe so.

Pastore: Nothing at all?

Wilson: Nothing at all.

Pastore: It has no value in that respect?

Wilson: It has only to do with the respect with which we regard one another, the dignity of men, our love of culture. It has to do with: Are we good painters, good sculptors, great poets? I mean all the things we really venerate in our country and are patriotic about. It has nothing to do directly with defending our country except to make it worth defending.

Are you worth defending? Make your country proud.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Don't grumble



The weak grumble and die in frustration. The strong and the courageous pose a quiet resistance and ultimately win to make the world a better place to live in.

Accent & Credibility

Money Control: California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger overcame his accent and secured the trust of voters but new research shows that an accent can impact a person's credibility.

In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers from the University of Chicago found that people unconsciously doubt harder to process statements more than easily understandable ones.

"Instead of perceiving the statements as more difficult to understand, they perceive them as less truthful," Shiri Lev-Ari and Boaz Keysar said in the study. The result of this unconscious mental operation has an "insidious impact on millions of people, who routinely communicate in a language which is not their native tongue," they said, adding that an accent might reduce the credibility of job seekers, eyewitnesses, reporters or news anchors.

In the first study 30 people listened to phrases such as "a giraffe can go without water longer than a camel can" or "ants don't sleep" in Austrian-German, Korean, Italian, Polish, Turkish and other accents and graded them as to how likely they were to be true. "People were just influenced by the accent, so when people had an accent people rated the sentences as being less true than when people heard them without an accent," Lev-Ari, a post-doctoral researcher in psychology, explained.

In a second experiment, the researchers asked people to consciously correct for the accent, and forewarned them of the accent's potential impact on their judgment. The 27 native English speakers, however, were only able to compensate for moderate accents, and as they became more pronounced, the participants found themselves doubting the information more.

"It's just a natural thing that we do ... we're just not aware of it," said Keysar, a professor of psychology.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Monday Blues: Three

There are three types of people, at least at work. Outstanding performers, average ones and trouble makers. Take good care of the two extremes and you are good! The average performers take care of themselves.

To be a good leader one needs to make sure that the outstanding performers are motivated well enough and encouraged while the trouble makers are dealt with. This would transfer more average performers to the top and refrain from getting to the bottom.

What about you? Are you a winner or a winer?

Monday Blues: MAKE your future

One of Vivekananda's quotes...

"We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act."

This Monday, go and make your future. Make a small alteration at least.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Add a memory II


"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Did your read this book? It tells all about men and their psyche. You should read it and use it for your Consumer Psyche."

"Yes. On a Sunday some fifteen years back. That is a kid's guide to handle relationships."

"Well?! What do you think?"

The look on her face gleamed as if she had won the argument. Moonlight and her hair played hide and seek as she tried to hold back some lose strands behind her ear. This was a tough task as we were standing in the doorway of a running train.

Men are so boring. Men aren't romantic. Men don't have emotional quotient. Men don't care for the simplicities of life. Men don't appreciate the color of pink, the feel of satin, fresh morning breeze, getting wet in rain, eating ice cream in winter, don't love the neighbor's dog and don't cry! This is just what I remember. Several things she kept muttering in a single breath and I was looking amazed at her ability to speak non stop. Did she breath?

"Can't men be like Sharukh alias Surinder Sahi from 'Rab ne banadi jodi'? she quipped.

"Yes we can and we don't mind illuminating all the city with lights to spell a word if we work in the electricity board!" I quipped. She didn't appreciate my comment and went on.

The problem with men is that you don't have any sense of how we feel. We need space. We need independence. We want our rights. Why don't you understand our need for being an individual? We just live and go on through the motions of life. Superiority, love, hate, dominance, carelessness, callousness, sexist oppression, domesticating, exploiting, abuse and what not. All possible ways of hurting a women are done.

Again she stops for a gasp of breath. A police personal comes and looks at us suspiciously and gives a wicked grin. Shravya gives him a frosty nosed look that send chills down his spine and makes him go back to his den with his tail between his legs. She turns her attention back to me and here she goes.

Did you see the look on his face? All men are like that. So disgusting and cheap! You will never understand what we go through day in and day out. Women have been subjected to bad treatment socially, economically, physically and mentally. Just flip through the pages of history and you will find it all through: the story of suppression!

She paused again. This time to look at a passing house with a kerosene lamp and a dog barking ferociously at the train.

"You are silent. Say something." A smile of satisfaction lights up her face.

"You are right," I tell her, "We might not be as good as you want us to be but trust me we are in this together."

The underlying current is strong in her argument. Some dissatisfaction and lots of anger. I do not pick that with her. At least not yet. The night is young and the journey is long.

The train approached a station and we picked up tea and a biscuit packet.

"All men may not illuminate the city like Surinder but trust me there are men who illuminate lives."

Shravya gave me a wicked smile, adjusted her hair and settled like she is ready for another fight.

What happened next? How did the clash of the psyches end? That is another story.

Pic is from here.

Adapt