Team Maker

Mahendra Singh Dhoni is a captain who has seen many victories in his life as a cricketer. His captaincy style is lauded and he is one of the best captains Indian cricket has ever seen. Nadal and Federer are probably two of the best tennis players the world has ever seen and have won numerous matches and titles. Saina Newal is one of the best badminton players in the world. All these people have something in common regardless of the sport. Though they come out as winners and are seen on the podium, they cannot reach there without a massive team effort behind them. Teams of people who take care of them right from training to food to studying the competition to helping them to move on and surge from defeat to victory. The best of the best are because of their teams and it is always a joy to work in teams.

Today's tip would be to work with an awesome team both in life and work. At home make a team with your partner, kids, parents, family and ensure they all know what their roles are and make sure each of them fulfill that to the best of their abilities. The roles can be insignificant to your goal but still they may have to function a particular way to let you win. A team that works together wins together. No role is anything less than what it should be and none of the contributions can be ignored.

Same applies to work where your office boy who gives you water and coffee needs to function efficiently to ensure all the staff goes on their work in an efficient manner. Same applies to your driver, lift operator and many others who help the day go on. Most of these jobs get minimal appreciation and thankless comments are galore. We need to understand that unless these people are at their best, the damage is immense and hence it is important to have them work efficiently every day.

Build a team of people who enjoy their work around you. Be thankful, respectful and appreciate their contribution to the main cause. I have seen worst of the people come out with grace with a little appreciation where money and force couldn't. Train if required and make each one of your team understand their purpose of work. Be a team maker and when your team is shining, you will too.

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Simplicity

Simplicity is a virtue not many possess and not many can handle. The quicker you get to learn to handle that you would be a winner. Simplicity in what you may ask, so here I go! In everything we do in our lives from things we need, buy, use, how we celebrate, communicate, appreciate, criticize and assume. Look at some of the best world leaders in thought and culture, they have been at their best when they were simple.

Let us start with what we expect from our family. When you get served food, love and affection, learn to appreciate the time taken by the other person in getting things done despite having their own problems and the effort put into bringing things together. Don't fuss about presentation, taste, color, warmth of the food and so on but appreciate that it is there. A small compliment would go a long way in boosting the confidence and appreciation is like wild fire, catches things that are dormant for ages and lights them up. If you really need a presentation try working in the kitchen for a day catering to the family or find a high class restaurant. 

At work, do not be fussy about the way things go about. Being simplistic in your choices. The simpler your choices are the easier it would be to handle the situation. Let me give you another example. Steve Jobs is well known all over for his creativity, innovation in design and business acumen. He could do things that no one else could do in terms of creating trends that world would wake up to. In his personal life he chose a principle of simplicity, which many often ascribe to his visit to India and the principles of Buddhism, Jainism and ancient Hindu Sattvic life values, he kept his choices simple. He always wore a black turtle-neck tee shirt and jeans as he thought these mundane things like dressing up every day would be of no use when you need to focus on more important things about life, work and so on. This principle in life is also seen in the design of the iphone and ipad which had only one button on the top. In the world of mobiles having multiple buttons, this was a revolutionary innovation but it makes your life simple and clean. The same dressing style is taken up by Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook who shows up with a ash round neck tee and jeans unless he is in a suit.

Have simple choices and in life. People around you would fuss for a while, then give up and then ignore and then choose to respect your choices. About ten years ago I started wearing a black tee shirt and jeans to work and kept at it. I get a lot of time to think, use my time in a much better way. Try it out and I am sure you would like it. Have a simply awesome life.

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Quest on

The pundits would have giggled when they formed the word Question. As we are talking about self help tips and positive psychology to succeed at workplace this month, let us talk about learning through questioning.

As kids we all are open to ask question. Remember your school days? But as we grow up we shy away. Each day when you go about your work question yourself how do we do this better? Is this the best way to go about this work problem or can I find a more interesting way, more easier way or more fun way to do this. Then try and do it some other way and see how it works out. If there is an easier way you should find out, find it out!

When you come across any word you cant decipher, check it out. Find out the meaning right then and there. You need some tools on your phone, ipad or on computer to set that thing on. Learn how to write better, speak better. Keep learning.

One thing I am addicted to is reading. Reading can open up your mind and change your perspectives, help generate new ideas, give solutions to problems, create new ones :) Basically help you in changing the stautus quo. Pick books that matter to you and talk about things you are interested in. Read life histories, read leadership, management books (time, life, people, love and so on). Pick up fiction, poetry, music whatever motivates you and keeps you going. Pick anything you want but keep the quest on.

At work learn new things you can do, learn what your colleagues do, superiors do, what you can do to go to the next level and perform better. Question the status quo and see that you understand, change, lead and motivate yourself and others to perform better.

At home ask questions to your wife about her day. She would have have an exciting day too. Check that out. Lend a genuine ear and empathise with her work and life and celebrate her success more than you celebrate yours. If she wins, you have already won. Question your kids about their day at school/college/work and encourage their victories, make it a big deal, lend an ear to their troubles, problems and see how they can work it out. Question your parents about their day, issues and what not. Seek the kid in you to be alive with the curiosity quotient at the peak and keep learning for the day you stop learning and questioning is the day you cease to live and just exist. Don't be a zombie, be alive - Question.

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Being Kind

One of the things that is going extinct is the art of being kind. We are less kinder than our parents and they were less kinder than theirs. I don't expect this to change due to several reasons. Technology has helped us to successfully mask ourselves from the everyday so called mundane emotions and push to remain normal, well behaved droids who just go about their business and seek efficiency. 

Being kind is not an option. It is a compulsion. With the amount of things going around us, all of us are under tremendous pressure to perform, to out run, to over achieve, to be ahead, we tend to fall into the conundrum of expectations and become ruthless soulless beings that dwell on incessant things to fulfill our insatiable desires. In such a situation the only thing that can re-humanize us would be to have the simple joy of sharing things and being merciful and kind. 

While I would like to say be forgiving, it need not always be forgiving. You can be kind to a pet, to a stranger, to a child, to your bus driver, to your local vegetable vendor, to the guy who opens the door for you and to the guy who serves your coffee. A simple smile, a kind gesture or a heartfelt thank you would make the day for many and we have nothing to lose but gain a lot when we do that. Not many are blessed like you and me and have to face tough situations all through their day!

Teach yourself to be a kinder human being, your children to grow up as individuals who are kind and be an example to others by being nice. What about yourself? Be kind to yourself too. When you miss a deadline, fail to match up to your high set pedestal or performance, it is okay to fail once in a while, just forgive yourself and move on to try again. 

Inculcate a culture of being kind, nice and pleasant and your day will change. We all need a bit of kindness everyday. Don't we?

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F for Friends

My five year old nephew speaks to me about his huge friends circle and how they are bonding over football, jokes, technology and stuff. Every time I meet him he tells me about a new friend and how big his network is. Anyone he talks to for a few minutes becomes he friend. As children we tend to be more receptive and more willing to accept as things are. But as we grow up, we change the rules and apply these filters which ruin everything for us in relationships. 

Today I want to encourage you to explore, expand and increase your circle of friends. Don't expect but explore. As you tend to be more neutral and more receptive, you would find more peace and joy in your relationships. 

Having a circle of friends who can be your support system is excellent and helps a lot in your life. While positive friends bring you more hope, passion and encouragement, slightly harsher friends bring you more realistic view of life and so both are needed. 

Build a support system so strong that it can hold you up when you need it. Also be a part of the support system for your friends so they can trust you, believe in your capabilities and seek help. Build on your strengths that others can rely. Work on your weaknesses so you can rely on yourself too. The biggest help you can get is self help. 

Family is usually the first circle of friends we have and stay that way till the end. So don't ignore the family and be there. Make friends with people, situations and things you would have never imagined. Stop being finicky and bother about their personal preferences like food, color, taste and things like that as it wouldn't matter anyways. Focus on what is positive and improve on that. Ignore the negative. Life is too short to live in a shell and worry about all that is negative. Move forward, move ahead and be at peace.

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E for Everybody

Let me state it at the outset. You cannot please everybody... period. Now having out that out, let me explain. 

We all have influencers, idols, bosses, friends, partners and colleagues we continue to live with, look up to and plan to help them, work with them or have a partnership with them. But you never know when you are going to be dissed at. While trying to please everyone you might actually lose being yourself. Am I not right in saying so? If you are lucky enough to find a partner who would be willing to go that extra step to make you comfortable and you are really comfortable then the matter is different. But if you are not, then it is time to stop struggling and killing yourself over how to please that particular person. 

I am coming to you from a painful standpoint. I have just read about a suicide of a celebrity in India and have also read a couple of news items on my timeline about someone in my friend's circle who attempted suicide. Most of the these cases I have heard are based on what happened in that person's life. All they needed to do is get help!

Now suicide can be a tougher and stronger step of extreme measure but there are many among us who kill ourselves a tiny bit everyday trying to live up to someone else's expectations and it is really annoying that we continue to do so even after the other person giving two bits about it. So today's self help tip is that we accept this fact and move on. You were not brought to this beautiful world to live for somebody or their dream. Make a life of your own and live it to the fullest potential.

This is also the time for exams and if you are a student appearing in one, chill. These marks don't define who you are and you needn't be bothered about those three hours you spend in tension writing down some nonsense on your paper and feel as if they are your Mensa scores. Relax. If you are a parent, you need to relax too. We need to take this message out there and spread it.

So now that you have accepted that you can't please everyone, let us see what is important for us to excel in and move forward in that direction. Have a great day!

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B for Build It Up

There is no reason necessary for you should not build it up! No reason why you shouldn't stop breaking things down. By things I mean relationships, projects, people, confidence, trust, faith and everything else. Let me explain.

As children we all try and make things. We are very creative and constructive. As we grow up we start to realize the joy in destroying as a part of play, stories and things around us and as negativity creeps in us, it starts making us destructive in life too. With too many negative things around we are subconsciously made to believe it is normal to destroy and it creeps into our daily life. While this is usually a phase and many of us grow out of this brat phase, some still stick around there and refuse to grow up. 

We all encounter negative people in life. People who are selfish, downright destructive and so self obsessed that they refuse to see merit in anything other than what suits them. Even if there is a small win in their life they project it as the biggest achievement possible but at the same time don't think twice to strike down others. I really don't know what they get out of it. I am sure you would have encountered these kinds of people in your family, at workplace and society. 

Another species of people are those who look at every possible chance to be negative. If there is a chance to ruin anything, trust them they will definitely ruin it. For some reason these people carry a lot of negative energy in them. I know quite a few people of this kind. One of the top executives in a CMM Level V company screams at his team mates in front of all the staff for the smallest of mistakes and slip ups. Another well educated guy shouted at his wife for not taking care of the child in a party full of friends and family. A guy I know passes such sarcastic sexist remarks for everything in front of his colleagues and family but because of his age people don't say anything to him. Why are some of us so negative? We speak from what our hearts are filled with.

We need to be positive. Be constructive. Be helpful. Be kind. Be the one who spreads the joy and comfort. Be the builder. Be the one who helps others grow not hurtful, sadistic, irritating, arrogant and downright bad. When you encounter such a person, remember to stand up. Make it a point that you discuss this either in person or as a group. But speak up and clarify that you don't appreciate this kind of behaviour. If they persist, chose to ignore and move on if not complain to the respective authorities. Many of the organizations have strict policies against harassment. Use them. If it still persists, seek help.

If you are one of those people who find negativity in everything, it is time to change. Time to grow up. Time to turn your life around. There is still hope. Seek help or just stop behaving the bully you can be and see how much more people will love you and bring positivism to your life. Let us be people who build it up!

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